


What You Are To Me (What We Are)

by saltylikecrait



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexual Rey (Star Wars), Asexuality, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heart-to-Heart, Insecurity, Rumors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-03-14 15:15:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18950686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltylikecrait/pseuds/saltylikecrait
Summary: After overhearing a couple of pilots, Rey finds herself feeling insecure.





	What You Are To Me (What We Are)

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Pride Month!

She was growing more and more frustrated by the day, and not just with her Jedi self-study. 

It’s a human thing to talk, but when words were meant to hurt, Rey wondered why anyone would want to talk about someone else behind their back – especially when they were in earshot. It was like some of the Resistance wanted her to hear them. Some of them lacked faith in her abilities, but there were others that judged her based on her character.

Like today, for instance, as she was eating her lunch quietly on the tarmac she overheard a couple of pilots and engineers talking.

“She’s a bit odd, isn’t she?” one asked, a human woman.

“Who?” a Duros asked. “Rey?”

“Yeah,” the woman replied. 

“She was a scavenger from Jakku, wasn’t she?” another human engineer, a young man, added. “We’re probably just as odd to her.”

“No,” the woman shook her head. “I mean, she’s just… different. She doesn’t act like she’s interested in anyone. There isn’t a reason why anyone wouldn’t want her. She’s cute and a Jedi and all…”

“I’m pretty sure she’s dating Finn,” the Duros informed the woman.

“Really?” the woman seemed surprised. “They don’t act like it.”

And while Rey knew that it would be better to ignore them, she couldn’t help but wonder what it meant to _act like_ being in a relationship. She had seen couples walk hand-in-hand, kiss in the corridors, even get close to doing some things that Rey would never consider trying in public. She and Finn laced their hands together when they walked to the mess hall and kissed each other in greeting, so why didn’t people think they acted like a couple?

Then she wondered if she was doing something wrong and if Finn thought anything of it. A strange feeling in her stomach upset her at the thought that Finn was just sticking around for her sake. Sure, she enjoyed kissing him, but she still had her reservations about other things couples did. Finn had assured her to think nothing of it; he was wiling to take their relationship at her pace and told her that he had his own issues to sort out as well. 

It was the next part of the conversation that she caught that made her feel sick.

“Maybe he’s cheating-”

Rey left the area before she heard the last of the sentence.

Doubt plagued her thoughts as she walked back to her quarters, distracting her from her surroundings. She passed Rose on the way in, who said hello, but Rey didn’t realize it until an awkward amount of time had gone by and she stopped to turn around to greet her back, hoping that she wasn’t coming off as rude or weird. Did people think she was that weird? Not just because of her upbringing and her role in the Resistance but also with her relationship with Finn?

It made her upset and angry. Part of her wanted to just wave off the whole incident. Let them talk. They didn’t know her and they certainly didn’t know Finn. If she was on Jakku where physically threaten someone was acceptable, she might have grabbed her quarterstaff and waved it in their faces.

But then, there was that other part that wondered if what they said was true. 

No, she didn’t think Finn would be someone that would cheat. It wasn’t like him at all and he had a strong sense of morals that even people in the Resistance didn’t have. If the problem lay in the foundation of their relationship, Rey would bet that he would at least say something and she hadn’t got a sense that he was uncomfortable or bored with their situation.

But hearing all this did bring back Rey’s insecurity in herself. Sexuality was something she still was not very comfortable with. She was no stranger to sex, but on Jakku, sexual encounters could easily end with unwanted consequences. There were no good doctors to treat those people and medicines were expensive and certainly out of the price range of a scavenger. Then, with the fact that she was female, there were more risks involved and Rey knew that she could not go through a pregnancy alone or raise a child in the desert when she was barely out of childhood herself. She had seen the disease and death that such encounters had brought other scavengers and she decided for herself that it was better to avoid sex, not that she had any interest in anyone. Really, she just didn't trust anyone for something like that.

Then Finn came around and then there were _labels_ and _words_ that followed with it. Had he been another scavenger on Jakku, Rey might have struck up a friendship with him and teamed up and lived with him like other scavengers eventually did with other scavengers, but they were in the Resistance and even when food had been scarce after Crait, Rey had never felt like anyone had been out to get her, least of all Finn. And she enjoyed being with Finn and sharing her life with him, why would that make their relationship any less romantic than others?

And Finn never made her feel like there was something wrong or that he felt forced into the relationship, in fact, they always seemed to meet halfway. Wasn’t that the mark of a good couple?

She entered the passcode at her door and quietly slipped inside. The perks of being a Jedi was that she got a room to herself and Rey preferred that. All those years alone on Jakku made her guard her privacy like a jealous lover, though she normally let Finn bunk with her because _they_ couldn't get privacy when he shared space with a few other males in infantry. Finn had to get used to not having to share everything and preferred to bunk with others; to many, he and Rey were as opposite as suns and moons.

That made her wonder, as she curled up under the gray blanket on her bed, if Finn was only staying with her because he would feel guilty for dumping her. Her stomach churned at the thought. He didn't like confrontation at all with the other Resistance members and Rey had seen her share of drama on base when it came to romantic and sexual pursuits. Breakups often ended in tears or yelling and Rey couldn't see Finn being comfortable with that. She would feel just _awful_ if that was why he was staying with her. Even if he said they were fine, what human male wanted to be with someone that didn't have a lot of interest in sex?

The thought almost made her whimper out loud. She pulled the blanket around her tighter.

At some point, she fell asleep. Her thoughts left her exhausted.

"...Rey?"

A whispered voice roused her.

Mumbling, she forced her eyes to crack open and saw the blurred figure of Finn standing over her. He looked at her, worried.

"You missed dinner," he told her. "Are you sick?"

She shook her head as she sat up. "Sorry. I'm pretty tired. Training's been hard," she lied.

"Are you sure?" Finn stared at her, not falling for it. 

Well, her stomach still hurt when she looked at him, but that wasn't because of germs or anything. Her anxiety hurt as it made her heart race and made her feel like she had the terrible urge to run for the 'fresher. It would probably be better to just forget about what those people said, but now that it was in her head, she couldn't stop thinking about the possibility that Finn...

Reaching for his arm, she gently gripped the material of his sleeve and gazed at his vest.

"What's wrong?" he urged her.

Deciding it was best to just blurt it out, she asked, "Why are you with me?"

He wrinkled his forehead, like he wasn't sure what she was asking. Frowning, he looked for clarification. "With you? Like _here?"_ He waved his hand to indicate the room.

"No." She frowned, mirroring his face. "I mean, why do you want me to be your girlfriend?"

This looked like it made him more confused. "Because I... like you?" he tried.

A moment passed between them. Thick in tension, awkward, uncomfortable. It made Rey hurt and she knew Finn probably wasn't faring any better.

"Is that enough?" she whispered. Finally, she voiced what she was truly afraid of. Finn was more than enough for her, but could she ever be enough for him? Wouldn't it be easier to be with someone that had the same wants and desires? Sure, she enjoyed the physical aspect of kissing and all that with him, but he wanted that more often and sometimes she worried they were moving too slow in their relationship or doing too little to make him happy.

That was what really bothered her. It wasn't the talk that they might not be normal, but the fact that they might not really be a couple. What made someone a partner if they weren't acting different from a friend? Rey never trusted the other scavengers to be friends, let alone a romantic partner. She still wasn't very good a treading the waters of friendship.

Finn seemed to understand. "You're always enough," he told her, his voice soft. Then, he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "What brought this on?"

"I heard some people talking... about us," she confessed. Her grip on the bed sheets tightened.

Finn's face darkened with a strike of fury. She had seen him angry before on the battlefield, but never like this, not when they were alone. "Who?" he demanded.

"A couple of pilots," she told him. "But they don't matter."

"No, they really don't."

She debated telling him more, but decided that she didn't want to rouse his sudden anger more. Those pilots didn't matter and what they said... well, rumors will never stop being spread around. They may not be a normal couple, but they were happy together, and that was all that was important to her.

With a sigh, she leaned her head against his shoulder. "You wanna spend the night?" she offered. "Poe told me about this old holodrama about how the General and Han fell in love. Said we'd get a good laugh out of it."

His chuckle broke the tension. "Sounds good," he accepted. "Wanna sneak down to the kitchens to see if any of the droids will pity us? That one droid still thinks you don't eat enough."

Sliding to the edge of the bed, Rey reached down to grab her boots and slip them on. The grin she shot him was one to show that she was ready to churn up some harmless trouble.


End file.
